The best high I ever got.....

The best high I ever got was from understanding, not chemicals.....

So where did that come from? There are some people I know, all from different walks of life, most but not all of them younger than me, with whom I stay in touch using Facebook. There is one young fellow whom I met at an investment finance training course. He seemed sharp and willing to learn, certainly far brighter than he seemed able to show on the face of his conversations.

There are some people who just don't look "sharp".  Seen through my own eyes, I would say he seemed to be one of those. He still does seem that way to me at times, but his reality is enigmatic to me. He is like a sponge, always ready to take in more information. I admired that in him. He is inquisitive. The more time I spent talking to him, the deeper I found him to be. It caused me to examine my early thoughts about him, pidgeon holing him in a category of needing to be fed and nourished and provoked into using his mind. It troubled me that I saw him so and it troubled me that I started to observe him to find out what made him tick. It seemed to be an arrogance that I found myself feeling that I had something indefinable to give this fellow, and yet I found myself trying to enage him in a provocative way in discussions and voyages of self understanding.

The bigger surprise to me was that he seemed to be drawn in and responsive. In fact one day in an online discussion about general issues he proposed to me that he found he was learning from me and found himself putting me in a form of mentor role. His next statement took me aback totally. He asked if I could spare him some time to meet on a  more regular basis to discuss things.

Aside from the undeniable fact that this was flattering, it was an exciting prospect in my eyes, as it seemed that here was an opportunity to do eaxctly as I believe in, and mentor a bright young man in ways I knew he was not getting and at the same time to fulfill his request.

As he lived away and was only occasionally in my area, we scheduled a coffee shop meeting for the next time he knew he would be in town. In that meeting he seemed to drop any defenses he may have previously had and probed deeply for my understanding of the way he saw his position in life, which it seemed to me was nervous, lacking in self confidence, a bit afraid of his own shadow, despite being secretly articulate and aware. I made every effort to impart some self training aids he could put into use to get him onto a raised level of self confidence, some mind training exercises. He seemed to grasp them and promised that for his own benefit he would work on them for the 3+ weeks I suggested, and we could get back together again after that and review what he had discovered about himself after applying this pattern of being. The idea was to straighten the table so that there was something sound to build on.

We agreed that we could check in with one another during that three weeks just to see how progress was going and to keep on track.

Much to my disappointment it seemed from that point forward he fought me and argued with every point and made no real effort. Even encouragement didn't seem to help and he has never again asked for my time, though we do pass some idle time from time to time online.

How do I see what I see in him?

I see a young man of huge potential who is really afraid of his own shadow. He grasps that there is a better world than the one he places himself in, yet his desire for it is low, exemplified by his unwillingness to fight for himself and focus himself on the task in hand so that he can achieve inner strength and reach for the goals he says he wants to attain. He wallows at the muddy edges of the great pond, stirs up the mud, gets his feet wet but seems to be afraid to push off into the deeper water where  people who have what he says he wants play. He seems to not be willing to lose contact between his feet and the bottom of the pond, despite a steadying hand.

From time to time he makes statements which suggest that he is resentful that he doesn't have what he says he wants, yet he does nothing that will take him into the deeper water. He is full of the peripheral distractions of his cohorts who are doing nothing to complement his obvious desires. From time to time he makes short, brash, statements which are possibly him psyching himself up to get ready to get ready, but he never yet has pushed away from the edges.

It is frustrating watching him do this. A lot of people are like this. They know that "more" or "different" is needed and they see the rewards  being possible for doing more or doing differently, seeing things from a different perspective, yet they will not even take an outstretched hand willing to guide them into the deeper water and hold them while they learn to swim.

Tonight he made a statement on Facebook which intuition, right or wrong, told me that he is looking for false evidence and happiness in  unatural substances. It hit me in the gut, a sense of sadness overwhelmed me as I realised that unless he is very very careful and will grasp the hand of a friend and follow into deeper water, he is never going there except in his own mind.

The sheer potential of this young man is huge. I see naievity and ignorance, but an inquisitive mind which could be trained and encouraged, going to waste and it saddens me.

This is I believe, a perfect example of  witnessing the distress which comes when you understand that the more you know, the less you can ever explain. Some will understand and take it, some won't. Dare I say "So what?" Its the rule of life.

Next.