Dating much older people

That may sound like a funny title to launch into.

The purpose of this post is to encourage both younger people to date older people and older people to encourage themselves and others to date younger people.

No No...don't go getting all juiced up and excited. This what I mean:

There is a great deal of value in younger people associating with, seeking out and spending time with much older people. As a young lad I used to spend a lot of time with my Grandfather who lived about a mile or more away. I was so lucky to have him there. I enjoyed his company first of all. He treated me as another person of equal stature to him, a fellow human being, and somehow in a  totally non-condescending way. He would talk to me about pretty well anything, history, current affairs, whatever my current interests were, family history, his own youth and experiences, World War One in the trenches, World War Two having a son stuck in Malta, being a Police officer, his gardening interests, what he knew about plants, animals, mechanical things, politics and politicians...in fact you name it and he probably had conversations with me about it! Added to that he made a point of always introducing me to other older men anytime he had the chance.

In short, he engaged me in interesting conversations in ways which drew me into them. He gave me interesting examples, shared things with me. He showed me how the continuing reality of my own life was a continuation of many things which I could observe and learn from. I hated hearing " Well its time to head on home now ......"

My Grandfather died when I was 21, mere weeks after I graduated from my post-secondary education. I had so much more to share with him too. I missed him in 1973 and I am still missing him in 2010. It seems that it is just not possible that he has been gone 37 years now. I still talk to him and think about the input he would give me on any given subject.

However, loss aside, he gave me a continuing inspiration. Always engage older men, learn from them. And I have done that. In my jobs and career moves I have always sought out the senior people, usually men, though I very strongly believe that girls and younger women should seek out the wisdom of older women also. (Yes I do believe very fundamentally that men and women in general function in very different ways.)

So why have  I chosen to write about this, my own very personal experience?

As stated at the beginning I want to encourage younger folk to deliberately seek out and date older folk and I want older folk to make themselves available  to younger folk, not just if asked, because I think that generally younger folk will not engage older folk, knowing full darned well that they have nothing to offer. I think that older folk have an obligation to put themselves in the paths of the younger folk and seek out suitable venues to engage them. When I have seen this happen, I have seen great results!

The means can be as varied as chalk and cheese. Leaning on a  fence and listening to the neighbour's child talk, eliciting their interests and then expanding upon the converstaion and showing a continuing interest can be fun. Just smiling at a child or younger person and saying "Hello! How are you today?" but then not dropping the ball when they reply with "I am well, thank you!" but expanding it, gradually, until the younger one opens up a little.

I know that this can in certain circumstances be a little uncomfortable. Here is an example from my own experience. I have Russian neighbours. Educated people. They have a young daughter with an inquisitive smile and bright red hair. At the age of  5 or 6 this little one spoke both Russian and English quite flawlessly and she asked a lot of questions. Me being me, she got answers, and she asked more! Sometimes when the air wasn't too cool or too wet she'd be outside sitting on the wall, watching the world go by and I would greet her and join her, and before long we would be having a great back and forth conversation appropriate to her age but being handled by her at a level way over her age. Really inquisitive that one!

One day another neighbour made a comment to me  that "I seemed to be spending a lot of attention to that young girl"... the suggestion being that it was considered inappropriate. It had never dawned on me to see it in that light, but obviously it was possible that there was such a perception in the mind of some. Consequently I spoke to her parents and said "Look, your daughter and I like to sit on the wall and chat... and you have seen and heard us do this many times. I think I need to ask you..... Do you mind me doing that with her?  Some people seem to think its inappropriate."

I was granted permission quite gladly. As time went by she started into school and was placed in a French langauge immersion school and very quickly it became apparent that she was learning French very fast, so our conversations turned into conversations in French. That small girl is now almost 10 and speaks Russian, English and French very comfortably. Her parents do not speak French (and I dare say she gets plenty of it in school), but its nice to sit down  from time to time on the wall and speak French with her. As she gets older, she has engaged more with her own friends and is less available to chat with now but a small sort of bond developed and I always get a small smile and a Hello!

Do I have any pretentions that this experience changed her life? No not really. However it puts me in mind of a man whom I considered ancient when I was 8 years old, though he was maybe only 10 years my senior today. My family used to visit the same small seaside village every year and we had the use of a beach hut up on the seawall. Adjacent to our hut (which was named Shibden) was a shelter with seats  for the public to sit and watch the world go by or to meet, or shelter from the rain. On the other side of that shelter was another beach hut occupied by a family who always brought "grandfather" along with them. The children of that family were a little older than me and at that age it meant that we did not associate, but "grandfather" used to sit in front of their hut and wittle away at wood with a pocket knife, for hour after hour after hour. This facinated me. He had a windbeaten, leathery, old farmer's face, big gnarled hands and a lovely smile whenever anyone approached him (which didn't seem to be often). I made up my mind to ask him about whatever it was he was doing with a lump of wood and a knife.

He explained to me that it was "just something to do", making shapes or spoons or whatever took his fancy. It seemed that he wanted to have something to do with his usually busy hands while dragged off to the seaside by his family. From what I could see his own family didn't spend much time with him, so I made a point of doing that. I discovered that he was a farmer and lived in the Lincolnshire village of Billinghay, which for some reason fascinated me as a name. His family always dragged him away for this 2 week period while his crops were growing, but he was like a fish out of water away from his farm. So he carved wood!

I learned so much from him about farming in the two years when I saw him for 2 weeks at a time. Then he stopped coming with them the next year and then they stopped coming to the same location too. However, its obvious that I have never ever forgotten about this  man or the impression he made upon me. He gave me his time and we had some great conversations. He added depth and breadth to my life.

We should all try to do that  for those who are younger than us, no matter what we have to offer.

Even as an aging man myself, I continue to seek out the company and wisdom of older men. More on Charley and Woody later!